facebook twitter instagram linkedin google youtube vimeo tumblr yelp rss email podcast phone blog search brokercheck brokercheck Play Pause
%POST_TITLE% Thumbnail

Financial Love Languages: Aligning Money Goals in Relationships

Lifestyle Scott's Thoughts

By: Scott Van Den Berg, CFP®, ChFC®, CEPA®, AIF®, CRPS®, CMFC®, AWMA®

The Financial Impact of Relationship Conflicts

Research consistently highlights the role money plays in relationship challenges. A lack of communication about finances can breed misunderstanding and resentment, while open dialogue fosters trust and alignment. Consider the following statistics and studies:

  • American Psychological Association Survey (2014): Nearly a third of adults with partners (31%) reported that money is a major source of conflict in their relationships.
  • Cornell University Study (2024): Research published in the Journal of Consumer Psychology revealed that individuals experiencing high financial stress are less likely to communicate about money with their partners, exacerbating relational tensions and perpetuating a cycle of stress.
  • General Findings: Finances consistently rank as a leading cause of stress in marriages. A significant number of couples report that disagreements about money are more contentious than arguments about other topics, such as household responsibilities or parenting.

The good news? Open communication and shared financial goals can significantly reduce this stress. Couples who discuss finances regularly, align their spending and saving habits, and develop a shared vision for their money, including charitable giving or long-term goals, are more likely to feel secure and satisfied in their relationships.

Understanding Your Financial Love Language

Much like the traditional love languages—words of affirmation, acts of service, etc.—individuals have unique perspectives on money shaped by their upbringing, experiences, and values. Identifying your financial love language and that of your partner can help bridge gaps and build mutual understanding. Below are four common financial love languages:

  1. The Saver: This individual feels secure when saving and prioritizes financial stability. They value budgeting, building an emergency fund, and avoiding debt.
  2. The Spender: For this person, money is a tool for enjoying life. They prioritize experiences, gifts, and living in the moment, though they may struggle with long-term financial planning.
  3. The Planner: A Planner thrives on setting goals and sticking to a financial plan. They’re likely to focus on retirement savings, investments, and achieving financial milestones.
  4. The Avoider: Avoiders find financial discussions stressful and may shy away from budgeting or tracking expenses. They often need gentle encouragement to engage in financial planning.

Understanding these profiles can be transformative. For example, if a Saver is married to a Spender, acknowledging their differences can pave the way for compromise and mutual respect.

Generational Differences in Financial Love Languages

Generational influences often shape financial behaviors and perspectives. Here’s how they manifest:

  • Baby Boomers (Aged 59 to 79): This generation tends to prioritize retirement savings and financial stability, often shaped by experiences such as the stagflation of the 1970s and major market downturns.
  • Generation X (Aged 43 to 58): Often balancing the demands of aging parents and children, Gen Xers are cautious about debt and focused on maintaining financial security.
  • Millennials (Aged 29 to 44): Millennials value experiences over material goods and are often drawn to ESG (Environmental, Social, and Governance) investments that align with their values.
  • Generation Z (Aged 13 to 28): Gen Z is characterized by their entrepreneurial spirit and digital savviness, with a focus on technology-driven financial tools and sustainability-driven investing.

Understanding these generational nuances can help couples navigate differences and create a shared financial vision.

Steps to Align Money Goals

Once you’ve identified your financial love languages, consider these practical steps to align your goals:

  1. Schedule Regular Money Dates: Set aside time monthly or quarterly to discuss finances without distractions (i.e., put away cell phones and make sure you are rested and focused). Review your budget, your financial wants and wishes, long-term financial goals, and any concerns. These conversations foster transparency and keep both partners on the same page.
  2. Set Shared Goals: Identify financial goals that matter to both of you, whether it’s saving for a home, planning a dream vacation, or building an investment portfolio. Shared goals create a sense of unity and purpose.
  3. Create a Spending, Saving, and Investment Plan: Budgeting isn’t about restriction; it’s about ensuring your spending reflects your values and supports your future. Allocate a portion of your income for discretionary spending so both partners feel a sense of freedom within the plan. Conduct annual reviews to track where your money is going and adjust as needed. And be sure to address your investment plan, especially as it relates to retirement. 
  4. Balance Differences: If one partner is a Spender and the other is a Saver, compromise is essential. For example, allocate a specific amount each month for guilt-free spending while prioritizing long-term savings and investments. Solidifying shared goals as outlined above helps establish balance.

The Role of Professional Guidance

Couples often find it challenging to navigate complex financial topics alone. Consulting a financial advisor like Century Management Financial Advisors may provide clarity, objectivity, and actionable strategies. A professional advisor may:

  • Help create a comprehensive financial plan.
  • Mediate discussions about sensitive topics like debt, retirement, and estate planning.
  • Provide insights into tax-efficient investment and legacy planning.

In my 33 years as an investment advisor representative and wealth manager, I’ve observed that couples who engage in joint financial planning feel more confident about their future. They’re better equipped to handle life’s uncertainties and enjoy the peace of mind that comes with knowing their financial house is in order.

Final Thoughts

Every relationship is unique, and so are its financial dynamics. Understanding your partner’s financial love language and aligning your money goals and values requires effort, but the payoff is worth it. By fostering open communication, setting shared goals, and supporting each other’s values, couples can transform finances from a source of conflict into a foundation for a stronger, more loving partnership.

This February, commit to strengthening not only your emotional connection but also your financial partnership. True love grows stronger when you’re building a future together—both emotionally and financially.

Disclosures: Century Management ("CM") is an independently registered investment adviser with the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission. Registration does not imply a certain level of skill or training. CM is also registered as a Portfolio Manager in the Province of Ontario. Our Firm’s business practices, including our Firm’s investment management services, wealth plans and advisory fees, are supplied in our Form ADV Part 2A and/or Form CRS, which are available upon request or at www.centman.com. CM-2025-01-27